Blowback
by darkstorm5000
Summary: Even though Allie continues to be haunted by what Dean did to her, she learns that part of recovering is continuing to live her own life. Final Chapter added.
1. I Like the Way You Move

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or it's characters.

A/N: This story focuses on a character named Alexandria Knight, but she goes by her nickname Allie. She's a character that I created in my other story, The Adventures of Kendra and Nadia and this story flows in continuity with it. For those that haven't read it, here's a brief summary: Allie is a grade eight student who is friends with Kendra, Nadia, and another character I created, Brandy Jamison. Allie meets Dean, the guy who attacked Paige the year before, at a soccer tournament at his school. She doesn't know what he did and, unknowingly, she gets involved with him. But one night after a school dance, Dean sexually assaults her and Allie is, of course, devastated.

This story takes place after the events in Holiday. Even though she has been talking to the school guidance counselor, as well as talking to Paige for support, Allie is still coping with what happened to her…

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It had seemed like forever since she had been out and had any fun, so Allie was determined that she was going to live it up this night. Some of the kids at Degrassi had given her an invitation to this party and she decided that she was going to go, even though Kendra, Nadia, and Brandy couldn't make it. As the music pulsated to a rhythm that seemed to be hypnotic, Allie just let the beat take control of her. She hadn't danced like this in ages. She had even gone out and bought a hot new outfit, just for the occasion. For the first time, in a long time, she felt like her life was starting to have some semblance of becoming normal again. But just as she was starting to feel like tonight would be the night when she would finally make a fresh start, her past suddenly reached out and pulled her back into that familiar black hole of despair.

"Glad to see you could make it, Red. You and that gorgeous body of yours look fabulous." A familiar voice said to her.

Allie didn't even have to turn around to know who had just spoken to her. From that familiar cocky attitude, to the way he referred to her by her long red hair, she knew that it could only be one person. Dean. His name would be forever burned into her consciousness.

"What are you doing here?" Allie asked as she took a couple of steps back from him.

"Just here to have a good time, like always." Dean replied with a grin.

Allie had thought she was finally getting over what had happened to her. But seeing him here, she felt terrified. Terrified like the night when Dean took her innocence from her.

"What's the matter Red, don't you want to have a good time?" Dean asked her.

"Are you insane, you think what you did to me was fun?"

"Admit it, we had a good time together." Dean said, trying to convince her.

"No-we-didn't!" Allie yelled as some of the partygoers stopped to notice their conversation.

Allie noticed that Dean was apparently there with a date. The girl was pretty, with short blonde hair and she looked like she couldn't have been much older than Allie. In many ways the girl reminded her of herself, or the way she used to be, before she met Dean.

"Look girl, you have to listen to me. Dean is not the guy you think he is. You have to believe me." Allie said pleading with the girl standing next to Dean.

"Don't listen to her, she's just jealous because things didn't work out between us." Dean said to the girl he had brought to the party, "Say, why don't you go get us something to drink, I'll be over to find you as soon as me and Red get something straight."

Despite Allie's warnings, the girl walked over to the table with sodas and waited for Dean.

"Look, you've got to stop it with your crazy accusations. You know everything that happened between us, happened, because you wanted it." Dean asserted.

"The reason it happened was because you don't know what the word No means." Allie replied, "You didn't know what it meant with me, or with Paige."

"Come on Red, you and Spirit have got to move on and quit living in some fantasy world. If you have regrets about what happened, that's not my fault. But you two have to quit ruining my good name by going to the police, just so they can harass me." Dean said to her.

"You don't have a good name, especially with me." Allie replied.

"I don't have time for this, I came to this party to enjoy myself with my date, not to argue with you about your crazy accusations." Dean said as he turned to walk away.

In that moment, Allie realized that her worst fears had come true. Not only had Dean raped two girls, but now, it looked like he was going to get away with it. The legal system just didn't work if it couldn't stop a predator like him. So Allie decided she was going to stop him, herself.

Allie walked over to the coat area where she had set her purse down. She picked it up and slowly walked over in Dean's direction.

"What do you want now Red? I've said everything to you that I intend to tonight." Dean said as he held a soda in one hand and had his other arm around his date.

As soon as Dean made his statement to Allie, the crowd started to make a commotion as someone noticed what Allie was about to do. Even the girl who was standing next to Dean quickly moved away from him.

"Gun! That girl's got a gun!" Someone yelled, as the crowd around Allie and Dean started to scatter.

"Come on, you're not scaring me and I know you're not going to use that. So just put it down." Dean said as he stood there without flinching.

"It's like you said, we have nothing left to say to each other." Allie said.

There was a moment of silence and then…

**Blamm**!

...as the revolver she was holding went off.


	2. The Long Kiss Goodnight

A/N: Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed my last story You Don't Understand at All.

Allie jumped straight up in her bed, the sound of the imaginary shot still ringing in her ears. She sat there in a cold sweat and her whole body felt jittery.

"Not again, not another one of those damn nightmares again." She whispered to herself.

Allie had been having nightmares ever since that night with Dean. At first they were her just reliving what had happened in his car, over and over. But now they were taking on new dimensions and came in different varieties. Sometimes it was Dean catching her somewhere alone, other times it was her trying to stop him from hurting her friends. And then there were the nightmares, like the one she had tonight, where she just stopped him once and for all. But regardless, it seemed like there was one at least every other night and sometimes multiple ones in a single night. The results would always be the same, Allie wide-awake in the middle of the night trying to convince herself that they weren't real.

"I've got to try and get some sleep." Allie thought to herself.

But it was easier said than done, especially tonight. The nightmares about murdering Dean were the ones that bothered Allie the most. Allie wasn't a violent person. In fact, she was the exact opposite. She remembered when her cousin Brad rented the movie Scarface and he convinced her to watch it with him. She didn't really like all of the profanity, but it didn't bother her too much. But watching people being shot every few minutes didn't really appeal to her and she spent half of the movie with her eyes closed. She didn't say anything because she didn't want Brad to tease her, but the idea of taking somebody else's life was something she just couldn't handle. Which is why these dreams about finishing Dean off were making her feel so unnerved. She truly felt bad about killing insects, how in the world could she possibly think about taking a human life, even his? And in her dream she did it with such little feeling of remorse. It felt good to fight back against her own personal bogeyman, but deep down she knew it just wasn't right.

"What's happening to me?" She wondered to herself.

Allie was also worried about something she had done in real life, and it wasn't a dream. When her father and mother had gotten divorced, her Dad had left behind some of his personal things. One of those things was a revolver that he had gotten from his own father. Allie had put herself under a lot of pressure by keeping what had happened with Dean a secret from everyone else and she didn't know how to handle it. Allie had known where the gun was kept at and decided, after one of her first nightmares following her assault, to get it and keep it in her room. Even though she didn't have any bullets for it and she never took it out of the shoebox it was kept in, it made her feel a little more secure knowing it was there in the room with her. But eventually her sense of security from the inanimate object faded and the nightmares started getting worse. It had gotten to the point that she had started secretly drinking alcohol, in an attempt to keep from thinking about everything. That's when the idea first crossed her mind. She seriously thought about trying to get bullets for the gun and then using it on Dean. But she didn't know how to use a gun and even if she did, she didn't think there was enough alcohol in the world to get her to go through with it. That's why she was so grateful when her friends intervened when they did.

One night when Allie felt she was on the verge of losing it, Nadia, Kendra, and Brandy came over to her house to pay her a visit. They talked to her and told her how much that they cared about her. Finally, she felt like she could tell somebody about what had happened to her. Talking about it made it feel like a huge burden had been lifted off of her. Allie gave the gun to Kendra, who then gave it to Brad and asked him to get rid of it. The girls all comforted Allie and gave her the courage to tell her Mom about what had happened. It was her Mom's idea to get her into counseling and to see what their options would be in trying to file charges against Dean. They went to go see Ms. Sauve, the guidance counselor at Degrassi. That's when she and her friends learned that Dean had done this before when Paige, one of the most popular girls in Degrassi, revealed the secret she had been carrying with her. Dean had done this to her too. Paige told them that she had already started the process of trying to get Dean prosecuted, but it was more difficult than she thought it would be. After listening to Paige, Allie and her Mom decided they would still go ahead and press charges against him too. For a while after she started going to counseling, the nightmares had all but disappeared. But when the D.A. told Allie that they couldn't keep Dean in jail and that a trial would be months away, Allie started having the nightmares again and this time they were way more intense.

"What am I going to do?" Allie thought to herself, "Am I going to have a nervous breakdown or something?"

Allie sat there on her bed for about another hour and then finally she drifted back to sleep.

Since it was the holiday break Allie was able to sleep in late, despite having another rough night. When she finally arose around mid-morning, she got up and went to the bathroom to get herself ready for another day. Once she had gotten herself together, she put on some of the new clothes she had gotten for Christmas. Then she went into the kitchen where she saw her older cousin Brad sitting at the kitchen table. He was watching the news on the TV that was in the living room, from the inside of the kitchen.

"Just because they call it Winter Break, doesn't mean you have to go off and hibernate." Brad said as he greeted his younger cousin as she entered the room.

"I can hibernate if I want to. Besides, what difference does it make to you?" Allie replied.

"I just worry about you is all. After everything you've been through, I don't want you to go and cut yourself off from the world again." Brad told her with concern in his voice.

Allie knew that Brad meant what he said. Even though he was her cousin and liked to joke around a lot, he actually treated her like his younger sister since he had been living with her and her Mom for so long. He had been living with them ever since he was about ten or eleven because his parents couldn't, or just didn't, take care of him. He would never go into exact details, but from what she could gather about his parents, they apparently had problems with drugs that didn't leave much time to care for a child. Brad never really talked about them much and she couldn't ever remember him making an effort to go and see them when he had gotten older.

"I'm not going to cut myself off, but thanks for asking." Allie replied.

"No problem, 'light-pole'." Brad said to her.

"Shut-up." Allie said with a smile, knowing Brad was just teasing her.

Allie thought back to when she was younger and Brad gave her that nickname because she was so tall and skinny, especially for her age. Allie still let him call her that just because it reminded her of a time in her life when things were a lot simpler. When she became a teenager, she started 'developing' earlier than most of the other girls her age and it really bothered her at first. She looked like she could pass for a girl a couple of years older than she really was, and she hated how some of the immature boys would tease her because of it. But after Ms. Hatzilakos sat her down one day after class in grade seven and told her how she had gone through the same thing as a young girl, it gave Allie the confidence to be able to ignore the comments that the other boys would make about her.

"Oh, I almost forgot. Nadia called while you were asleep. I told her I would have you call her back when you got up." Brad said as he turned his attention back to the TV.

"Okay, I'll call her after I've had something to eat." Allie told him.

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Next Chapter: Allie pays a visit to Nadia.

A/N: As always, feel free to post your comments in the review section.


	3. Things Can Only Get Better

Allie stepped outside in her tan coat and hat with matching leather boots that she picked out herself, ready to walk into a new day. She was on her way to see her friend, Nadia Jamir, who had called her earlier that morning. Allie had called her back and told her that instead of them talking to each other on the phone; she would just come over to her house so that they could talk in person. Allie came up with this idea because she felt like she really needed someone to talk to, and she just needed to get out of the house for a while. Her Mom was at work and wouldn't be home until late and Brad would be going to his part-time job pretty soon. Allie didn't like being at home alone, but she had learned to deal with it at an early age. But lately, with everything that was on her mind, it felt a lot more stressful to be alone with just her thoughts and with her memories.

As she walked towards Nadia's house, Allie saw an entire world that was moving forward, business as normal. But for Allie, it was all she could do to just deal with life one day at a time. She had come a long way since that night when she went to the Eighties dance. At least once every day, she thought back to what had happened to her after the dance. She thought back to fighting Dean in the backseat of his car with every ounce of strength that she had in her body, and about how much stronger than her he was. She also thought about the drive back from the point, where Dean had driven her up to. He didn't say a word to her on the way back and she felt too catatonic to even utter a sound. Dean brought her back to Degrassi, which was completely deserted since the dance had ended hours before. When the car stopped, Dean reached over and opened the passenger car door and she got out. Allie then walked over and sat on a bench that was outside of the gymnasium and watched, as his dark blue Mustang peeled out and took off. She just sat there, for what seemed like an eternity, feeling numb and cold on the outside, and within.

Finally, she willed herself to get up and begin her long walk home. She took the spiked heel pumps that she was wearing and just threw them as hard as she could into a swollen creek bed that she had passed on her journey home. When she made it to her house, her mother was asleep on the sofa. It looked like her Mom had been waiting up for her. Allie figured her Mom was probably tired from a hard day at work, so she just let her continue to sleep. Since Brad was out with his girlfriend, the house was totally quiet. Allie just walked back to her room and took off the hot pink dress she had been so happy to get for the dance. She had brought a garbage bag from the kitchen to her room and threw the dress inside of it, tying the bag shut. She had intended to take the dress and burn it the next day, but it just wound up in a dumpster behind a local restaurant near her house. After tying the bag up, Allie went and took the longest shower of her life. She just stood there, wishing the running water would just wash the entire night away. She stayed in there until the water had turned cold. When she finished, she got out and got ready for bed. There was no way she was going to go to sleep, so she just lay there, crying and trying to block out the memory of what had happened. Eventually, she was able to cry herself to sleep.

While Allie ran that same memory through her mind for the millionth time, she suddenly realized that she had made it to Nadia's house. Allie had promised herself that, even though she had told Nadia and the others about what had happened, she would never go into details about it, especially with Nadia. Allie knew how emotional Nadia could get when it came to her. Kendra had told Allie about how Nadia started crying when they thought that Allie might've been thinking about committing suicide; it happened on the night when they all came over to her house. Allie didn't want to upset Nadia with those details or with the ones regarding the nightmares she had been having. So, no matter what, she would keep all of that to herself. Allie rang Nadia's doorbell and waited for an answer.

"Hi, come on in." Nadia said as she answered the door.

"Hi." Allie replied as she stepped inside and took off her coat.

Allie followed Nadia as she wheeled back to her bedroom. When Allie entered her room, she could see Nadia had been at work on something major, judging by the way all of her papers and books were scattered on her bed and all over the floor.

"So, what have you been up to?" Allie asked her.

"I've been working on a proposal to get rid of Genetically Modified foods in the cafeteria." Nadia replied.

"GM foods? But I thought you, Ashley, and Emma already made a presentation to Raditch last year, and that he turned you down flat?" Allie asked her.

"We did, but this presentation isn't for Raditch, we're taking it directly to the school board." Nadia revealed.

"The school board, why are you doing that?" Allie continued to inquire.

"Well, the school board is having another meeting in a few days where they are going to make any final amendments to their agenda for the rest of the school year. The three of us figured if we could get them to listen to us directly, maybe we could get their support for our proposal. We know we may be wasting our time, but it's still worth a shot. Anyways, Emma, Ashley and me have been going back and reworking our presentation from last year, we're trying to make it more convincing. I've finished reworking my part and I need to get it over to Emma's as soon as possible. I would take it now, but since I'm still recovering from being in the hospital, it's still a little too far for me to wheel to right now. I'll have to wait until my parents get home this evening." Nadia told her.

"I can take it after I leave here, it's no problem." Allie volunteered.

"That would be great, but are you sure?" Nadia asked her with an ecstatic expression.

"Of course, it'll give me something to do later on." Allie reassured her.

Allie sat there as Nadia started gathering her research papers and putting them together. Then she said something else to Nadia.

"So, where is this romantic gift I heard you got from Lee?" Allie asked her.

"Oh, here it is. It's this necklace that I'm wearing." Nadia said as she removed the necklace and handed it to Allie.

"Wow, this is so beautiful." Allie said as she inspected the heart shaped locket. She then read the inscription on it.

"L.R. loves N.J. 4ever. That is so romantic Nadia." Allie told her as she handed it back to her.

"I know, I could hardly believe it when he gave it to me."

"So, are you two an item again?" Allie asked her.

"Yeah, Lee's been such a sweetheart lately. He's either come over here or he's called me every single day since holiday break began." Nadia told her.

"That's," Allie said, "because he's head over heels in love with you. But how do you feel about him?"

"I think I'm falling in love too." Nadia admitted.

"That is so wonderful." Allie told her, happy for her friend.

Allie and Nadia talked for a few more hours until Allie reminded Nadia that she had better get going if she was going to drop off her work at Emma's house. So Allie put everything into a book bag that Nadia gave her and the two went to Nadia's front door. Nadia told her thank you, again, for volunteering to help her out. Allie told her that she would call her again before school started back. Allie then walked out to the sidewalk and began her journey to the Simpson-Nelson residence.

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Next Chapter: Allie and Emma seem like they are so different from each other, but are they really?


	4. It's Not 'Quite' What You Would Expect

The walk to Emma's house was a nice little distance, which Allie didn't mind. It gave her a chance to try and think about other things going on in her life, such as a new cheer she had been thinking about showing to Paige and Hazel. She wanted to try out for the varsity spirit squad in the spring, and she figured that their reaction to her routine would be a good gauge of how much of a chance she really had.

As she got closer to Emma's, Allie thought about the only other time that she had been at Emma's house. It was right before her first game as a member of the junior spirit squad, and Manny had forgotten some of the squad's equipment at Emma's house. Since Manny had been the main one instructing her during cheerleader camp over the summer, Allie decided to go with her and help her carry the stuff back to school…

"So Manny, what is your friend like?" Allie asked her.

"Who, Emma? She's nice, I think you'll like her." Manny responded.

The two girls walked up to the Nelson residence and Manny rang the doorbell. As the door opened, Allie saw a lady she guessed was probably Emma's Mom.

"Hi, Ms. Nelson. Is Emma here?" Manny asked her.

"Sure she is Manny, just go upstairs." Emma's Mom replied.

As she invited Manny in, she realized Manny had brought along another visitor.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see you standing over there." Ms. Nelson said as she saw the girl standing off to the side of Manny.

"This is Allie, she's on the spirit squad with me." Manny said as Allie flashed Emma's Mom a smile and waved hello.

"Well Allie, it's a pleasure to meet you. Come on in, the both of you." Emma's Mom said to the girls.

The two girls walked inside and Emma's Mom closed the door behind them. She then excused herself.

"Emma's upstairs working on her homework, I think. Just go up and knock on her door. I have to finish getting ready because I'm meeting Snake for dinner tonight. Just let yourselves out when you get ready to leave." Ms. Nelson said as she walked out of the living room.

"Wow, Emma's Mom is dating some guy named Snake. He must be in a biker gang or something." Allie said to Manny.

"Well, actually, Snake is Mr. Simpson, the M.I. teacher at school. Snake was his nickname when he was in high school." Manny informed her.

"No Way!" Allie said in astonishment.

"Yeah, he and Emma's Mom went to high school together. They used to call her Spike when she was in school."

"I guess Emma's lucky they didn't name her Hammer or something." Allie said, still surprised by what Manny had told her.

"I guess so." Manny said with a giggle, "We'd better go up and get the stuff before we miss the game completely."

The two girls walked up to Emma's room and Manny knocked on her door.

"Emma, it's me Manny. I brought another girl from school with me, her name is Allie." Manny said, talking into the door.

Emma opened the door and Allie could feel the tension between her and Manny immediately.

"So I guess you've found another friend to stab in the back." Emma said to Manny, point blank.

"What are you talking about?" Manny asked her.

"I'm talking about Craig, and how you stole him at the dance." Emma answered.

"I can't believe you're still mad at me about that. Look, he asked me to dance and the only reason I accepted was because you said it was okay." Manny replied as she followed Emma into her room.

"You're supposed to be my best friend. I may have said it was okay to dance with him, but you're supposed to know that I didn't mean it." Emma told her.

"You know Emma, I'm not a mind reader. If you didn't want me to dance with him, then you should've just said so." Manny stated, "Besides all we did was dance for a couple of songs. When we got through I came to find you, but you were gone. I was going to tell you that if you still wanted to get with him, that I would try and help you."

"Like it matters anymore. It's obvious he doesn't like me and he's probably got a new girlfriend by now." Emma said as she sat down on her bed and grabbed one of her pillows.

"Actually, he doesn't." Allie said.

The two girls stopped their argument and looked at Allie wondering what she was talking about.

"Huh?" Emma said.

"You asked about Craig having a girlfriend. He doesn't have one." Allie said, reasserting her statement.

"How can you be so sure? Craig is like one of the hottest guys in school." Emma asked, not really believing the grade seven girl that Manny had brought over.

"Never mind, forget I said anything." Allie said as she sat down in a chair near the bedroom door.

Emma and Manny turned their attention back to each other and continued to discuss what had happened with Craig Manning. Eventually they apologized to each other and Emma said if Manny was the one Craig wanted, then she wouldn't stand in their way. As they talked, Allie just sat there watching them and thinking to herself, "If anybody would know whether Craig has a girlfriend or not, I should. Especially, since I…"

Suddenly, a car came speeding by Allie on the street and interrupted her train of thought. She glanced up to realize that Emma's place was only a few houses ahead of her. Allie went up, rang the doorbell, and waited for an answer.

"Hello Mrs. Simpson, is Emma here?" Allie asked her.

"Hello…Allie isn't it?" Mrs. Simpson greeted her.

"Yes Ma'am."

"It's nice to see you again. Emma's down in her room, just go back to the kitchen and take the stairs down to the basement." Mrs. Simpson instructed her.

"The basement?" Allie thought to herself, "What, do they have her in solitary or something?"

As Allie walked through the house, she could see Mr. Simpson sitting on the sofa watching TV.

"Hello Mr. Simpson." She greeted him.

"Hi Allie" He responded.

Allie had heard that Mr. Simpson was sick with cancer, but at school he always tried to make it look like he was feeling okay, in spite of it. But seeing him sitting there today, she realized he wasn't as well as he had been letting on. Finally, Allie made it to the basement entrance and knocked on the door at the top of the stairs.

"Emma, it's me Allie. Are you down there?" Allie called out.

"Yeah, just come on down. Nadia called and said you were bringing some stuff by." Emma replied.

Allie began her journey down the stairwell, still not sure why Emma's room was now down in her basement. Once she reached the bottom, she saw that a fairly nice bedroom had been set up down there. She saw Emma sitting at a desk working on something, reminding her of what Nadia looked like in her room earlier that morning.

"You have a pretty nice room." Allie said complimenting Emma's bedroom.

"You don't have to lie, I know it sucks." Emma replied.

"Here's the stuff Nadia asked me to drop off." Allie said as she handed the entire book bag to Emma.

"Thanks, I really appreciate you bringing it over here. Hopefully our presentation will change the school board's mind." Emma replied.

"You know, I can't believe you and Nadia are doing all of this extra school work during the holidays." Allie observed.

"Might as well. I can't speak for Nadia, but there's not much else for me to do right now." Emma said to her.

"Well, you could be hanging out with your friends or something." Allie said to her.

"What friends? My best friend abandoned me so she could chase after Craig, even though he had a girlfriend. My boyfriend dumped me because I'm so boring that he'd rather hang around with a bunch of criminals." Emma revealed to her.

Allie had forgotten about the big fight Manny and Emma had in the hallways of Degrassi a couple of months ago. But she didn't really know about what had happened between her and Sean.

"Sean dumped you? Was it because of another girl?" Allie asked her.

"I wish, at least that wouldn't have hurt so bad. No, he just broke up with me because I wasn't cool enough to hang out with him and his new friends. He said that he couldn't take anymore of me and my 'goodie two-shoes' lifestyle. I'm starting to think that maybe him and Manny have a point; maybe I am a pathetic loser. I guess I should also realize that despite my best efforts, I can't change the world or the people in it on my own." Emma said, as she got up from her work desk and went to lie down on her bed.

Allie was surprised to hear Emma talking like this. Emma had always seemed so self-confident about herself. The way she stood up to Raditch last year and refused to apologize to the school had the entire student body buzzing about how the teacher's pet had crossed over to the dark side. But listening to her now, Emma sounded like somebody who just needed someone to talk to. Inside, Allie could definitely relate to that.

"Well, I think what you're trying to do, all of the things you try to do to make things better, is worth while." Allie said, trying to reassure Emma.

"I guess." Emma replied.

"It's true. Besides, who knows? Maybe you'll meet some terrific new guy when school starts back." Allie said to her.

"Well, there is this one guy I talked to at a rave a few months ago, but he had a girlfriend. Even though they were having problems, I still didn't want to get in between them and their relationship." Emma revealed.

"I can understand that. I guess its just too bad things didn't work out." Allie replied.

"Yeah, I know." Emma said.

The two girls just sat there talking to each other for a while longer. Then they stopped talking and just sat there staring off into space, absorbing the purity of the silence in the room. Eventually, Emma spoke again.

"I'd better get up and get back to work if I want to have this proposal ready before we're supposed to present it." She said as she got up from her bed.

"I guess I better get going too." Allie said as she got up from the chair by the desk.

"Thanks again for bringing the stuff over, and for listening to me drone on about my life." Emma said to Allie.

"You're welcome. Sometimes we all just need an ear to listen to us." Allie said as she turned and walked back up the stairs.

Allie went back through the house, following the same path she used to come in. As she was leaving she didn't see anybody, but she could hear the cries of a baby upstairs and the sound of Emma's Mom talking to him.

Once she left Emma's house, Allie decided she would make one more stop before heading home, since she was in the neighborhood.

"I guess that it's kinda funny, the main reason I first met them was because I just happened to be in the neighborhood." Allie thought to herself.

 She walked a few more blocks from Emma's house, watching as the sun started to set. Finally, she was standing in front of a two-story house.

"It's been a few months since I've been here, I wonder how everyone's going to react?" Allie thought to herself. She then rang the doorbell and waited for an answer. Eventually, the front door opened.

"Oh, Hi Allie. I was starting to wonder why you hadn't been over for a while, come on in."

"Thanks, Mr. Jeremiah." Allie said as she walked in through the front door.

"I've told you before, just call me Joey." Joey said with a smile on his face, "All of you kids are starting to make me feel like a senior citizen or something."

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Next Chapter: Hmmm…what's the connection? (Hint: It's not an obvious reason that might occur to you...)


	5. So, what ARE you looking at?

A/N: Thanks to everybody who's read and reviewed this story so far.

It was still early in the evening when Allie Knight walked into the Jeremiah residence.

"Joey, nobody's calling you an old man. Even though, you already have the hairstyle for it." Allie said jokingly to Joey Jeremiah.

"That was a good comeback,  'you young whippersnapper'." Joey replied, doing his best impersonation of a crabby, old man.

As they walked into the living room, the youngest member of the Jeremiah household came running in to greet Allie.

"Allie, Allie!" Angela called out as she ran and wrapped her arms around Allie, giving her a huge hug.

"How've you been sweetie?" Allie asked, while Joey walked into the kitchen.

"Great because Caitlin's been showing me pictures of all the neat places she went." Angela said to her.

Allie wondered to herself, "Who is Caitlin?" So, she asked Angela.

"Angie, is Caitlin a new 'pretend' friend of yours?"

"No silly, she's Daddy's girlfriend." Angela informed her.

"I thought her name was Sydney?" Allie thought back to herself.

While Allie was thinking to herself, Joey came back into the living room with another person behind him.

"See, there's Caitlin! I told you she wasn't pretend." Angela said pointing at the lady behind Joey.

Allie saw her and realized who the Caitlin that Angela had been talking about really was.

"OhmyGod, you're Caitlin Ryan! I watch you on TV all the time." Allie exclaimed, star struck by Joey's new love interest.

"Nice to meet you." Caitlin said as she greeted her. Caitlin had become used to the reactions that she got from all the local residents. Ever since returning to Toronto, Caitlin had become accustomed to everybody making a big deal over the 'hometown girl' who made it big on TV.

"Caitlin," Joey began, "this is the girl I was telling you about the last week."

"Oh, you must be Allie. Joey's told me so much about you." Caitlin told her.

"What, exactly, did he tell you?" Allie asked.

"Nothing juicy, at least not yet." Joey said, teasing Allie again.

"Just remember, I know some embarrassing things about you that your girlfriend might be interested in." Allie replied.

"Actually, I could probably tell you about some of the more ridiculous things Joey did when he was younger. Stuff that you've probably never even heard before." Caitlin said, "Like this one time, Joey wanted to try and make some extra money. So, he bet the entire school whether or not he would walk through the cafeteria nak…"

"Whoa…um, I don't think she wants to hear some boring stories about me." Joey said, trying to keep the next generation from hearing about his youthful exploits.

"Oh, I think I do." Allie said with a big smile.

"I'll tell you later." Caitlin smiled and whispered to Allie.

As they were having a lively conversation, Angela decided she wanted to show something to Allie.

"You got to see the new movie Daddy got for me." Angela said as she grabbed Allie by the hand and lead her over to the TV area.

"What did he get you?" Allie asked her.

"This." Angela said as she held up her Finding Nemo DVD, "Let's watch it."

"Angela, do you remember how to work the DVD player?" Joey asked his young daughter.

"I think so, Daddy." Angela replied.

"Don't worry Joey, I'll help her." Allie told him.

Allie bent over in front of the TV and DVD player and showed Angela which buttons she had to push in order to make her movie play. Angela seemed to get such a huge kick out of something that most people would consider a rather routine task. That's what Allie liked about her and it's what she missed about not having a little sister of her own.

As the two girls set up the DVD player, Joey's stepson Craig came down the stairs. He was on his way to his friend, Marco's house. As he started towards the front door, Craig stopped as he noticed the curvaceous figure in front of the TV wearing black denim spandex jeans, tan boots and a white pullover sweater.

"Well, nobody informed me we were having company over." Craig said in his smoothest voice, "Let me introduce myself, my name is Craig. And who, may I ask, is this beautiful figure in front of me?"

If Allie had heard a comment like this last year, she probably would've run off crying. But not now. After talking to Ms. Hatzilakos, Allie realized that she didn't have any reason to be ashamed of her body. She had decided right then and there that she wasn't going to let some boy's perception of her define how she saw herself.

"Hi Craig. It's funny, you've never greeted me like that before." Allie said as she didn't move or turn around, but continued instructing Angela on how to play her movie.

"Oh, uh…Allie. I didn't know that was you." Craig said as he stumbled.

Craig was stunned to realize the woman that he was hitting on was that same little girl that used to always come by the house. But now, she wasn't a girl, or little, anymore. Craig had spent most of the last year caught up in his own life, his father, Ashley, and Manny; he hadn't noticed that Allie had grown up quite a bit during that time.

"Craig, don't you think you should apologize to Allie." Joey said to him.

"It's all right Joey, really. Usually, Craig hardly notices it when I'm here. I'm guessing he just must've seen a different side of me tonight." Allie said, letting Craig know that she realized what part of her body he was looking at as she was bent over at the DVD player, "I guess old habits just die hard."

With that statement Joey and Caitlin did their best to contain their laughter, as Allie's point to Craig came through loud and clear. Craig was so embarrassed that he just turned around and walked into the kitchen.

"Like a chip off the old block." Caitlin said as she lightly touched Joey in the side.

"Yeah, I better go see if 'chip' is okay, especially after having his ego stepped on for the second time in as many weeks." Joey said as he got up from the sofa that he and Caitlin were sitting on.

As Joey left for the kitchen, Allie finished helping Angela with the movie. They both sat down on the floor together to watch it.

"I like how you handled yourself, Allie." Caitlin said complimenting her, " I love Craig, but he's going to have to learn that he needs to start treating women with more respect."

"Thank you, Ms. Ryan." Allie replied.

"It's like Joey said before, just call me Caitlin."

"Okay…Caitlin." Allie said, still not believing that she was really having a casual conversation with a real life TV star.

Soon, Joey returned from the kitchen after having a brief talk with Craig. He sat back down on the sofa with Caitlin, paying more attention to her than to the movie that was playing on the TV. As the couple cuddled up together, Craig came back out of the kitchen. But instead of heading off to Marco's house, he took a seat in a chair at the edge of the living room. From where he was seated at, he could remain inconspicuous but still see the entire room.

"Craig, I thought you were going over to Marco's?" Joey asked him.

"I was, but I don't want to run into Ellie after everything that happened with Ashley." Craig said.

As the animated movie continued to play, Allie got up from the floor and sat in another large chair on the other side of the living room. Angela got up too and sat down in Allie's lap. She started watching the movie, but less than halfway through it Angela fell fast asleep in Allie's arms, which Allie didn't mind. Allie just sat there and thought about the first time she met the Jeremiah family…

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(Flashback about two and a half years before this night.)

It was a warm summer day and Allie was on her way home from the local swimming pool. She had spent most of the day there with her friends and now she just wanted to go home, shower, and get some rest. As she was walking down the street she heard a small commotion at a house, not too far ahead.

"You fibbed Daddy! You said he was coming."

Allie then saw a small girl run out of her house and sit down on the sidewalk in front of it. Allie's heart went out to the little girl as she sat there, just bawling her little eyes out. So Allie decided to go and see what was wrong with her.

"Are you all right?" Allie asked the little girl.

"Nope." She replied simply.

"Well, do you want to tell me what's wrong?"

"Daddy fibbed, he said Craig is coming, but now he's not." The little girl told her.

"Who's Craig?" Allie asked her.

"He's the bestest brother in the world. He's my big brother."

"Oh. I'm sure he would come if he could. I don't think he would not come on purpose." Allie said, trying to console the girl. Allie then wiped some of the girl's tears away on her own t-shirt.

"But Daddy promised, he promised!"

"Well, I'm not your brother, but I think we can have fun together. How does that sound?" Allie asked her.

"Okay." The little girl said as she finally stopped crying.

"Well first, we have to learn each other's names. I'll go first, my name is Alexandria." Allie told her.

"Wow, it sounds like a princess." The girl told her.

"You're the first person to think so. I guess you can just call me by my nickname, everybody calls me Allie."

"That's the name of my special dinosaur!" The girl exclaimed as she grabbed her dinosaur doll.

"Wow! Okay, now you have to tell me your name?" Allie asked her.

"My name is Angela."

"Angela, that's such a pretty name." Allie said to her.

"Thank You." Angela replied, liking the compliment.

"Since we know each other's names, let me show you how to play a game." Allie said as the two girls stood up on the sidewalk.

Joey had been watching the two girls from his living room window. He was glad the young lady was nice enough to stop and take the time to comfort his young daughter. He hated that he had to break Angela's heart by telling her that her brother wasn't going to be coming to spend the summer with them. As he watched the two girls, he was just grateful that she came by when she did. Angela didn't understand anything about how he and Albert Manning disliked each other. She also wouldn't understand why Albert would use that as a reason to keep Craig away from the Jeremiah house, now that the children's mother, Julia, was dead. All Angela understood was that Mommy had gone away and now Craig had left her too. He hated that she felt so isolated from the people that she loved so much. Joey stood there just watching as the red-haired girl played one game after another with his daughter. After about an hour had passed, he decided it was time for Angela to come in so she could have her dinner.

"Angela, it's time to come in and wash up." Joey said as he stood on the front steps.

"Aw Dad, do I hafta?" Angela pleaded.

"Yes, you've played long enough for today. Maybe your friend can come back tomorrow?"

"Allie, Can you, Can you?" Angela said as she jumped up and down in front of Allie.

"Sure sweetie." Allie answered her.

"Okay." Angela said, beaming as she ran into the house.

As Angela went inside, Allie turned and started to walk home. But Angela's Dad called out to her.

"Miss, can I talk to you for a minute?" Joey asked.

"Sure." Allie replied as she looked at him.

"My name is Joey Jeremiah. Look, I really appreciate you stopping to spend some time with my daughter. Ever since we moved back to Toronto, she hasn't had many friends to play with. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind coming by occasionally to just hang out with her. I could even pay you, if you want, to baby-sit her."

"You don't have to pay me. Angela is such a sweetheart to be around that I couldn't take your money, even if I wanted to Mr. Jeremiah." Allie stated.

"Well, you don't have to call me Mr. Jeremiah, Joey's just fine."

"Okay, Joey. I guess I'll see you and Angela tomorrow afternoon." Allie said as she turned to walk home…

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As Allie sat there, the Disney DVD played itself out and she thought about how much time she had spent with Angela since that first day they met. Joey had made it sound like it was a job being around his daughter. But the truth was, Allie felt like it was a gift to be around somebody so sweet and adorable.

"Well, it looks like someone's ready for bed." Joey said as he picked up Angela to go and put her to bed.

"I guess I better get home too. My Mom's probably wondering where I am." Allie said as she got up to get ready for her trip home.

"It's getting late, let me drive you." Caitlin offered.

"Okay, that's really nice of you." Allie replied.

"Well, I can't let two beautiful ladies go out into the night unescorted. How about I come with you?" Craig asked as he got up from the chair.

"Okay Craig, but just remember what I told you earlier about your attitude." Joey said as he headed upstairs with Angela.

"No problem, Pop." Craig said, somewhat sarcastically.

Craig then followed the two ladies outside as they got into Caitlin's vehicle. Then they took off towards Allie's house.

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Next Chapter: What will Craig, Allie, and Caitlin find to talk about?


	6. Cruisin'

As the dark green SUV that Caitlin was driving traveled down a residential street, its occupants started a rather interesting conversation.

"Hey Allie look, I'm sorry that you got upset with me earlier. I was just trying to pay you a compliment and I'm sorry if I offended you." Craig said apologizing to Allie.

"You don't have to apologize. I guess I kinda overreacted. I've been having some issues of my own about how guys look at me, but I shouldn't have taken that out on you." Allie replied.

"It still wouldn't hurt you if you tried to be a little more sensitive when you're talking about women, especially young ones." Caitlin added.

"I know, I guess it just came out wrong. Sounds like most of the things I've been saying lately." Craig stated as he looked at Allie, who was sitting in the back seat. "You know, you haven't been around the house lately."

"I've just been dealing with things going on in my own life. Besides, the last time I came over, Sydney definitely made me feel like I wasn't really welcome." Allie revealed to them.

"What do you mean?" Caitlin asked.

"We just didn't get along, plus there was something that she said to me." Allie answered.

"Like what?" Craig asked with an intense curiosity.

"Well, one Friday night I came over to the house. You were out on a date with Ashley, so I was hanging out with Angie on the sofa watching TV. Joey was still at the dealership with a customer, so it was just me, Angela and Sydney in the house. Anyway, Sydney came up and said that I didn't have to wait for Joey, that Angela wouldn't need a babysitter that night since she was there. I told her that I didn't mind, that I liked hanging around with Angela. So then she makes some statement about why would a teenage girl want to hang around someone half of her age, that I should be able to find some friends my own age." Allie told them.

"I can't believe she would say something like that. Wait a minute, yes I do!" Craig said as he remembered some of the other statements that Sydney made while she and Joey were dating.

"That must've really hurt. What did you do?" Caitlin asked her.

" I told her that it must not be that bad, especially since Joey didn't mind dating someone twice his age." Allie replied.

"Classic!" Craig exclaimed.

"No you didn't?! Remind me not to get on your bad side." Caitlin said as she smiled at Allie.

"My Mom has always taught me to show respect to adults, but respect is a two way street. Besides, I hate to say it, but Sydney was a major bitch." Allie said.

"Tell me something I don't know." Craig replied.

"As much as you two might agree on your feelings about Sydney, I don't feel comfortable sitting here and badmouthing Joey's Ex. So let's find something else to talk about." Caitlin said as she changed the subject.

"Okay. You said that you went to Degrassi with Joey, did you two used to date back then?" Allie asked her, having no idea the feelings that she stirred up in Caitlin as she thought back to her younger days.

"Yeah, we did. Joey was actually my first boyfriend. We started dating when we were still in grade eight." Caitlin answered.

"Wow, you two were that young. What was Joey really like as a kid?" Allie asked her.

"He was like most teenage boys. He tried to act so tough around his friends, but I could see through all of that. I could see the tender side that he tried to hide from everybody." Caitlin said as she reminisced.

"So, why did you two break up?" Allie continued.

"Um, maybe Caitlin doesn't feel like going into all of that right now." Craig interjected.

"It's all right Craig, I don't mind talking about it. Joey and I dated off and on through junior high and high school. After graduation, he asked me to marry him. After thinking long and hard about it, I decided to accept his proposal." Caitlin answered.

"But you two didn't get married?"

"No, we didn't. I later found out that even though Joey had asked me to marry him, he had been cheating on me the whole time with another girl." Caitlin revealed.

Allie couldn't believe what she heard. She had always thought of Joey as a caring Father and friend, she never thought that he would do something like that. Craig just sat there listening, realizing how some of Caitlin's story mirrored his own situation and it also reminded him why she had been less than thrilled at his recent behavior.

"So, what did you do?" Allie asked, starting to wonder if maybe she shouldn't have started this conversation.

"I got really upset and, after a few choice words, I told him that we were through." Caitlin answered.

"But you forgave him?" Allie inquired.

"Eventually, but it took me a few years to really move past all of that anger inside."

"How did you do it?" Craig asked her.

"It' like that old adage, 'time heals all wounds'. It just took me some time. For years, I couldn't think about Joey without part of me getting upset. But, there was a part of me that still loved him. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, despite all of that anger inside of me, the anger eventually faded away. And all that was left was that part of me that loved Joey Jeremiah, faults and all. For a long time I guess I just tried to deny that part of me, the part that still cared about him on a deeper level." Caitlin revealed to the pair.

"Sounds pretty intense." Craig said.

"That's when you know love is real, when you have that feeling for someone and you can't turn it off, no matter how hard you try." Caitlin said.

"I think that's how I feel about Manny, I just wish I had realized it a lot earlier." Craig said.

By this point, Caitlin's SUV had made it to Allie's house. After making sure Allie made it inside all right, Caitlin turned around to go drop Craig off so that she could head home herself.

Next chapter: Allie's adventure continues…


	7. It's My Life

Allie woke up the next morning after a long night, in which she didn't get much rest. She had been up most of the night after having yet another one of her nightmares. She had been getting them so often now that she began to give each nightmare it's own nickname. This time it was the 'Grab and Go' where Dean kidnapped her, took her to a remote location, and threatened to kill her if she didn't drop the charges she was pressing against him. Even though school was not in session because of the holiday break, Allie had seriously considered calling the number Ms. Sauve gave for her, in case of an emergency.

"I know I told her I was doing fine and that I'd be okay without our weekly sessions during the holidays. But, I don't know how much more of this I can handle." Allie said to herself.

Allie was reluctant to call the guidance counselor because she kept hoping that things would start improving again. Calling her felt like it was admitting that she was back at square one again, like when she first started seeing Ms. Sauve. It felt like she moving backwards instead of moving forward. For the last few weeks, ever since her nightmares had started again, Allie was fighting the urge to do something she swore to herself that she would never do again. She seriously wanted to take a drink from the bottle that she secretly kept under her bed. Even though it only seemed like it relieved her problems for a short time, it was relief nonetheless.

"Come on, you're stronger than that. You know you can get by without it." Allie said to herself, trying to fight the temptation to drown her problems with alcohol. "I'd better get up, maybe moving around will get things off of my mind." She thought as she got out of bed.

After an invigorating hot shower, Allie eventually made her way to the living room towards the front of the house. She sat down on the sofa that was adjacent to the TV. From where she was sitting, the TV was to her right and the kitchen area was to her left. The entire house was empty. Her Mom was at work and Brad had mentioned the night before that he had to get up early, so he could go and register for Spring classes. It was in that moment that she realized that she was all alone, and it made her feel really uneasy. From where she was sitting she could see the liquor cabinet against the wall and she actually considered going over to it, just for one little drink.

"No, you can't start that again! You just have to be strong." Allie said to herself, continuing to fight her urge.

So she decided to turn the TV on instead, at least the noise would make the house feel a little less empty. She started channel surfing, and her first stop was on MTV2, where a video by her favorite singer Christina Aguilera was playing.

"I wish I could sing like that, hell, I'd be happy to just look like that." Allie thought as she admired her favorite pop singer.

After the video finished, another one came on that Allie really didn't care for, so she changed the channel.

"Weather Channel, Sports Channel, 'Ancient' Movie Classics, wait, here's something." Allie said as she stopped on a channel. "I can't believe Angie got me hooked on this."

As Allie watched the Powerpuff Girls, she remembered how Angie constantly wanted to watch the cartoon when Allie babysat her. Eventually, Allie kind of looked forward to watching the show with Angie, and she would even watch it on occasion when she was home by herself. Once the cartoon had ended, Allie began to search the channels again. She stopped this time on a daytime soap opera. Allie became intrigued by this drama about love and betrayal by a cheating lover.

"Sometimes," Allie thought to herself, "it feels like I'm living in a soap opera."

The program had Allie engrossed, but the ringing of the telephone interrupted it.

"Hello," Allie said as she picked up the cordless receiver.

"Hi Allie," A familiar young voice replied.

"Hi Angie, what are you doing on the phone?" Allie asked her.

"I asked Craig if I could call you and he said okay and he helped me do it." Angela answered.

"So, what are you doing sweetie?" Allie said as she continued their conversation.

"Craig's gonna take me to see the 'Magic People' at the park, do you want to go too?" Angela asked excitedly.

Allie remembered that amateur magicians and entertainers performed at the park, and since the snow had let up it would be a perfect day to go and watch them. Plus, it would give her something to keep her mind occupied.

"Sure Angie, tell Craig I'll be over there as soon as I get dressed." Allie said as she hung up the phone.

Allie left her house wearing her pink wool sweater that was under her dark blue coat with matching scarf and gloves, a pair of stonewashed blue jeans and a pair of black suede hiking boots. The walk to Joey's house took her about half an hour. Once she got there, she rang the doorbell and Angela came to the door.

"Allie's here Craig, let's go before the magic people are gone." Angela said as she put on her hat and coat.

"Calm down Ang, we have plenty of time before they'll be gone." Craig said as he finished drinking a glass of juice at the kitchen table.

"Are you sure?" Angela questioned him.

"Aren't I always right?" Craig asked her.

"Okay." Angela said as she accepted his word on the matter.

"Hi Allie," Craig said as he stood up from the table.

"Hi Craig, it's nice of you to invite me to go with you and Angie to the park." Allie replied.

"No problem, besides the park is going to be full of little kids. Having you there will let me be able to talk to somebody my own age." Craig said to her.

"Wow, his own age." Allie thought to herself, "I always figured Craig just looked at me as another kid."

Once Craig had gotten his coat and hat on, the trio then set off for the park. Once they arrived there, they saw a small crowd of children that were mesmerized by the performers. Angela spotted some of her friends that were over by one of the magic acts.

"Can I go over by Kimberly, please?" Angela asked her older brother.

"Sure, just don't wander off anywhere else." Craig replied.

As Angela ran off to join her friend, Allie and Craig went and stood over a small bridge overlooking a small, but frozen, stream that ran through the park. As Craig watched his little sister, he and Allie started a conversation.

"So, Kendra said that you and Spinner started your own band?" Allie asked Craig.

"Yeah, it's me, Spinner, Jimmy and Marco. We've been practicing since before school started." Craig answered.

"Sounds like fun." Allie told him.

"Yeah, it's such a rush." Craig replied.

"Maybe you can perform at the Dot sometime?" Allie asked him.

"We're not quite ready for that yet." Craig informed her.

"Well, Nadia heard a rumor that the school's been considering having it's own talent show in the Spring. Ever since Paige and Ashley's band did so well at that contest last year…" Allie stopped herself in mid-sentence. She could see that the mere mention of Ashley's name really affected Craig.

"Sorry, I wasn't thinking when I brought that up." Allie apologized.

"It's all right. I mean it's not like I'm trying to pretend that she doesn't exist, even though I'm sure she wishes that I didn't." Craig confessed.

"Can you blame her? What you did was really stupid and I'm sure it hurt her a lot." Allie told him.

Craig became somewhat upset at Allie's comment. She wasn't saying anything new to him; he had said the same things to himself a million times since that night at the Holidays-Around-The-World performance. The night when his life fell apart.

"What do you know about it anyways? Every one of my friends has told me how stupid I was for treating Ashley and Manny the way I did. I've even gotten lectures from Joey and Caitlin about it. So what words of advice do you have for me?" Craig asked as the emotions he had been holding in came to the surface.

Allie could tell she had hit a nerve with Craig and she knew that she probably shouldn't have made that comment about him being stupid. She had done some stupid things herself, like lying to her mother about going to hang out with a friend, when she was actually going to meet Dean.

"Look Craig, I wasn't trying to cut you down. I was just trying to say that we all make mistakes sometimes, even me." Allie said, trying to show Craig that she empathized with him.

"And what mistake could you have possibly made that would compare to mine? What, did you put together an outfit that didn't match perfectly or something?" Craig yelled at her.

Even though Craig knew that he was upset, he also knew that he shouldn't have taken his anger at himself out on poor Allie. She was one of the few girls lately that really seemed like she wanted to look at things from his point of view. He could see by the change in her demeanor that he had really hurt her by his words.

"You know, despite what you and most of the rest of the world might think of me, I'm not just some airhead who only cares about her clothes." Allie said as tears started rolling down her face. "I have feelings and I have to deal with problems just like everybody else, maybe more than a lot of people. When I go to sleep, I have to dance with my own personal demons every single night and sometimes I feel like I'd be better off if maybe I just didn't wake up."

As Allie turned and started to run away, Craig tried to apologize for blowing up at her.

"What did you say? Look Allie, I'm sorry, please don't leave. Just stay and we can talk about it."

But Allie didn't respond to him. She just continued running towards her house, knowing the one thing that would make her feel a little better.

As she ran, Craig just stood there watching as she disappeared from his view.

"Great going Manning. You're batting a thousand." He thought to himself.

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Next chapter: Has Allie finally gone over the edge, and will Craig be able to help her come back?


	8. Winter Sadness

A/N: Special thanks to: TrappedinAb0x, artsigirl16, lyss33 , x Confused Girl x, & Yelak for your wonderful reviews of this story.

 Most of the blinds and curtains in Allie's living room were drawn shut, casting an unnatural afternoon darkness. As she sat on the sofa, Allie was still crying and she was thinking about how things in her life were spiraling out of control, once again.

"I can't believe I made such an idiot out of myself. Craig'll probably never want to speak to me again and I can't say that I'd blame him. Yeah, like it really matters. Craig has girls left and right throwing themselves at him. I seriously doubt he's very concerned about what some grade eight girl has to say to him." Allie thought to herself, as she picked up a glass from the coffee table in front of the sofa.

Allie was sitting there wondering which was worse: the way she had acted at the park, or, the fact that she had finally did the one thing that she had promised herself that she wouldn't do. She was trying to ease the pain she felt inside with alcohol. She stared intensely at the, now half-empty, liquor bottle. She decided that at this point it didn't really matter which of her actions was worse, all she wanted to do now was forget. Forget about the park, about Dean, about the nightmares, about the way she felt about her appearance, about the well-meaning friends who just didn't understand what it was like to be her. She just wanted to forget all of it.

Allie now stared at the contents of the glass that she was holding in her hand. The smooth, brown liquid was almost hypnotic as it moved back and forth inside of it. She slowly brought it to her lips, and then quickly swallowed the drink. It burned her throat at first, but Allie knew that the discomfort was only temporary. At least this pain had some purpose in her life. As soon as she put the glass back down on the table, she had already started pouring herself another drink. When this bottle ran dry, she knew the right people to go to that could help her get another one, or that could get her something even stronger?

As Allie tried to forget everything, she wasn't worried about anyone walking in on her private party. Brad had left a message on the machine saying that he and his girlfriend had finished registering for classes. He told her that they were going to go to some music festival on campus, and that he wouldn't be back home until late. Her Mom was at work, and she would be coming home late too.

Allie's head started swimming after, this, her third shot. She tried to focus on the TV and she could tell Judge Judy was on, but Allie didn't really care what the show was about. She just let the numb feeling from the alcohol envelope her. Then Allie started wondering how everybody would react if they saw her right now?

"How stupid is this?" Allie thought to herself, "I go and get drunk to try and forget my problems, and instead, I try to find new ones to think about."

Allie poured herself another drink and quickly swallowed it down. She could feel it taking its full effect and she could also feel that familiar sick feeling in her stomach. She hadn't felt like this since the last time she went on a binge, it was before she had told her friends what had happened to her. Allie remembered how much talking about it that night helped and, for a moment, she considered calling Kendra or Brandy or Nadia. But she decided against it; she figured that they had lives of their own and didn't need to be bothered with her problems. She didn't want them to think of her as some sort of basket case that constantly needed to be rescued. All of this went to the heart of the reason why Allie kept what she was feeling to herself most of the time. She didn't want the whole world referring to her as 'That poor girl whose life must really suck'. Allie didn't think she could handle it if everybody that knew her thought of her in that way. She didn't want anybody's pity.

Allie decided she would take one more drink and then go lie down on her bed for a while. As she stood up she almost lost her balance. The room felt like it was spinning around, but she was able to regain herself after a few moments. She grabbed the bottle and the glass and started walking towards her bedroom. Just as she was doing that, the doorbell suddenly rang. She walked over to a front window in the living room and peered out through the side of one of the curtains.

"What is Craig doing here?" Allie thought to herself.

While she was thinking, Craig called out to her through the front door.

"Allie, it's me Craig. Open up so we can talk, just for a minute."

Allie didn't know what to do? If she didn't answer the door, he might call her Mom or something. So, she sat the bottle and glass back down on the coffee table and she managed to make it over to the front door. As she opened it, the sunlight seemed really bright, probably because she had been sitting in the dark for the last few hours.

"Hi Craig, what's up?" Allie asked, without looking him directly in the face.

"I've been worried about you ever since you took off from the park earlier, and so has Angie." Craig answered, as he walked inside the house and Allie closed the door behind him.

Allie had forgotten that Angela had been so excited about going to the park with her. She had taken off without saying a word to the young girl.

"I'm so sorry, I'll talk to Angela tomorrow and explain everything to her." Allie apologized.

"It's okay, I just told Angela you had to leave because you weren't feeling well. I waited until Joey got home and could watch her before I came over here to check on you." Craig told her.

"Thanks." Allie responded.

"Allie, you look like you've been crying. Tell me, what's really wrong?" Craig asked her.

"Nothing, I'm fine, really." Allie said as she tried to cover up her true feelings.

"Then what's this?" Craig asked as he saw the liquor bottle on the coffee table and picked it up.

"None of your business!" Allie said as she snatched the bottle from Craig's hand and almost lost her balance in the process. Craig quickly grabbed her before she fell down and helped her over to the sofa.

"Now I know something's wrong, I've never seen you drink before." Craig said as he sat down on the sofa next to her.

"Well, there are a lot of things you don't know about me." Allie responded, her tone getting angrier.

"You keep saying that, what do you mean?" Craig asked her.

"Look Craig, I don't feel like talking about it right now. You've checked on me and seen everything's all right, can you just leave me alone now?" Allie said as she turned away from him.

"That's just it, from what I've seen everything's not all right and I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on." Craig replied.

"Don't you get it, I don't want to fucking talk about it, okay! Talking about it doesn't make anything better, it just makes me feel worse." Allie yelled at him as she started crying again.

Now, Craig knew something was seriously wrong. Allie was obviously drunk and now she was screaming at him.

"Whatever it is, holding it inside won't make it any better." Craig told her.

Allie didn't want to tell Craig about what had happened to her, it seemed like too many people knew about it already. Every time she told the story of what happened that night, she had to put herself through that experience one more time. It was bad enough having to relive it in her dreams, but doing it consciously seemed like some sort of sick, self-torture. All she could do now was curl herself up in a ball on the sofa and just continue crying heavily. Craig was getting scared because he wasn't sure what to do now? So he did the most natural thing he could think of, he wrapped his arms around Allie and just held her.

"Look Allie, maybe I should call your Mom, or Joey and Caitlin? Maybe they can help with whatever's wrong with you." Craig said to her.

"No, don't do that. I'll tell you everything, but just don't tell Joey or Caitlin what I'm about to say. You have to promise me." Allie said to him.

"Okay." Craig replied.

Allie then proceeded to tell Craig the whole story about what had happened with her and Dean, not leaving out any details. Craig was stunned by what she told him and he finally realized why she had been acting the way that she did. He thought to himself that she was way too young to have to deal with something like this and he realized that it had forced her to have to grow up way too fast. He could kind of relate to what she was going through, considering the abuse he had suffered at the hands of his own Father. He knew it was hard to handle how somebody that you loved, could hurt you in such horrible ways. After Allie had finished telling him her story, he spoke to her again.

"Can I get you anything right now, like a glass of water or something?" Craig asked her as she rested her head against his chest.

"No, just sit here with me." Allie said, feeling very secure in Craig's embrace. They watched television together and she continued to talk about how she was dealing with everything. After Allie hadn't said anything for a while, Craig realized that she wasn't watching TV with him anymore, but that she had fallen fast asleep. Craig just sat there holding her, watching both the TV and looking at a girl who was sleeping like she hadn't had a good night's rest in a long, long time.

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Next Chapter: A New Year and new beginnings…


	9. Then the Morning Comes

"Oh man, I swear I'm gonna tell Nadia to shoot me if I ever think about drinking again!" Allie thought to herself as she laid in her bed, with the worst hangover she had ever felt.

Allie had woken up this morning after a very rough day. She had slept all of the evening before and through most of the night. She vaguely remembered Craig helping her walk to her room and him putting a blanket over her. She also remembered the sound of his footsteps as he walked out of her bedroom and the sound of her door closing behind him. After that, she must've blacked out. The next thing she knew it was already morning and she was running to the bathroom because she felt so sick. She had drunk herself into unconsciousness and she was paying for that decision now. She had spent most of the morning throwing up, until there was absolutely nothing left. All she wanted to do now was get over the splitting headache that she had. Allie forced herself out of bed to go and get some extra-strength aspirin that her Mom kept in the kitchen.

As she walked towards the kitchen, Allie could see Brad lying on the sofa. He was watching TV, facing away from the kitchen.

"Good," Allie thought, "hopefully I can get in and out, without him even noticing me."

Allie quietly walked into the kitchen and went to the cabinet where the aspirins were kept. She quickly grabbed the bottle without making a sound. She thought for sure that she was home free, but then, Allie heard her cousin's voice.

"Morning, Sleepy Head." Brad said to her from the sofa, "You feeling any better?"

"Um, yeah…..what do you mean?" Allie asked him, unsure if he knew about what she had done.

"Well, I heard you running back and forth to the bathroom this morning, Craig must've been right." Brad answered.

"Craig? What did Craig tell you?" Allie inquired.

"When I got back last night, Aunt Marie hadn't made it home, but Craig was sitting here on sofa. He said that you weren't feeling well and he had helped you lay down on your bed. He said that he didn't want to leave you in the house by yourself, so he was waiting for someone to get home before he left." Brad revealed to her, "He had even put the garbage out while he was waiting. I told him that he didn't have to do that, but he said it was all right. He said that there was some stuff that needed be taken out before you saw it and it made you sick again. What, were you trying to experiment in the kitchen again or something?"

"No, nothing like that." Allie said as she walked back to her bedroom, "Look, I'm going to go lie back down for a while."

"Okay, I'll check on you before I leave." Brad replied.

As Allie went back to her room, she thought about how Craig had covered for her with Brad. She realized that he must've gotten rid of that liquor bottle before Brad could find out about it. She decided she would call Craig later and thank him. But first, she was going to try and get rid of this monstrous headache.

After laying down for a couple of hours, Allie's headache was finally gone. She felt like she could get up now to get ready for the day. After taking a cold shower and getting dressed, she went into the living room.  When Brad had checked in on her, he had told her that he had some errands to run, before everything closed up. With everything that had been going on with her lately, Allie had completely forgotten that it was New Year's Eve. As she sat there, Allie realized she hadn't had breakfast yet. But, the last thing she wanted to think about right now was food. Since Brad had left already, she decided to go ahead and give Craig a call.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Craig. It's me Allie."

"Oh, hi Allie. Are you feeling any better?" Craig asked her.

"You mean after all of the puking and the splitting headache? Never felt better." Allie answered jokingly.

"I bet." Craig responded.

"Look, I just called to say Thank You for…..for everything, you know." Allie told him.

"It's okay. You know, if you ever need to talk, I'm always here to listen." Craig said to her.

"I appreciate that." Allie replied.

After a brief moment of silence between them, Allie spoke again.

So, what big plans do you have for tonight?" Allie asked him.

"I don't have anything that resemble big plans. Jimmy's throwing a huge New Year's Eve bash and practically everyone from school was invited." Craig told her.

"I guess you're going to have a pretty good time tonight?" Allie asked him.

"No, actually Spinner and Marco tried to get me to go with them. But I just don't feel like being around everybody, at least not yet. I'll probably just hang around the house and go with Joey and Caitlin to show Angie the fireworks at midnight tonight." Craig said.

"Sounds nice." Allie replied.

"Hey, why don't you come with us?" Craig asked her.

At first Allie wasn't sure if she should accept his offer, but she remembered that Brad was going to go to some party with his girlfriend, and her Mom wasn't much of party person.

"Sure, I'd love to go with you." Allie answered.

"All right, come over anytime after eight. But we'll be leaving for the park around eleven o'clock." Craig told her.

"No problem." Allie replied.

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Next Chapter: Allie finds out what Kendra has been up to?


	10. Canadian Bacon

Allie was really excited about going over to Joey's, later that night. She sat in front of the TV in the living room and watched the commercials that advertised all of the New Year's Eve celebrations coming on that night. As she watched TV, Allie's thoughts started to drift back to all of the things that she had gone through over the past year. For the first time, in a long time, she felt like she had finally reached a place in her life where she could truly handle everything that had been going on in her life. She also realized that maybe it was okay to lean on her friends, every once in awhile, for support.

"Speaking of friends," Allie thought to herself, "I haven't seen Kendra since before Christmas. I think I'll see what she's been up to."

Allie went and put on her coat, hats, and boots and left to go over to her friend's house. As she walked down the sidewalk, she thought about Kendra and how she and Toby had been through their ups and downs this past year. Even though Kendra had told her that she and Toby were just friends now, Allie wondered if it would stay that way?

"Toby can act really dumb," Allie thought to herself, "but he can also be a really good friend sometimes. Still, Kendra might have a point. People change and sometimes they grow apart, just like Emma and Sean. Then, you have some people that just seem like they're meant for each other, like Brandy and Jamal."

Allie continued to think about all of her friends' relationships as she walked in the cold, crisp air. Pretty soon, she had made it to Kendra's house. Allie went up to the door and rang the doorbell. She expected Kendra to answer it, but was kind of surprised when her older brother came to the door.

"Hi, Spinner. Is Kendra busy?"

"No, she's in the kitchen. She and Brandy are sitting in there, they just got back from playing basketball at the gym." Spinner said as he let Allie in. He then went back to watching TV in the family room.

Allie walked back to the kitchen and saw Brandy and Kendra sitting there, finishing their sports drinks and, apparently, talking about their game.

"I can't believe we lost by only two points." Kendra said.

"That other team got lucky, hitting a three at the end of the game." Brandy added, "Besides, at least we can be happy it was only a pick up game."

"Yeah, but it'll probably be my last game for awhile. I decided to go out for gymnastics and I'll probably be spending most of my free time practicing for that." Kendra told Brandy.

"Hey guys." Allie said as she entered the room.

"Hey, what's up Allie?" Brandy said as she greeted her.

"I just came by to see how Kendra was doing, but I'm glad you're still here Brandy." Allie replied.

"We just got back from the gym." Kendra said.

"Yeah, Spinner told me." Allie responded.

"So, Nadia said you came by her house the other day?" Kendra asked Allie.

"Yeah, she showed me her new necklace. Lee is so sweet to give her such a beautiful gift. Why can't all guys be romantic like that?" Allie replied.

"Probably because he's the exception to the rule." Brandy stated, "Jamal is a wonderful guy and he really tries, but like most guys, he doesn't get it most of the time."

"What do you mean?" Allie asked her.

"Well, before Christmas, I told him that I wanted to go see a movie with a nice love story in it, hinting I'd like him to take me to see a romantic movie." Brandy told them, "Guess what he does?"

"What?" Kendra asked.

"He rents Spider-man and brings it over to my house. When I tell him that's not what I meant, he asks why? He says it has a love story in it. I just couldn't believe he was that clueless." Brandy said, shaking her head.

"Well, it sounds romantic enough to me." Kendra said.

"For you, I'm sure it is. But your idea of a romantic movie is probably different from most girls." Brandy replied, "Plus after you threatened to beat Toby up last year, you definitely don't have to worry about him getting too affectionate with you."

"Toby deserved it." Kendra told them, "He should've come and talked to me before he and 'Beavis' decided to go and buy that truckload of condoms. He's lucky that all I did was just threaten him."

"And what would you have done if he had come and talked to you first?" Brandy asked her.

"I would have told him, in a nice way, that I was only twelve years old and that I wasn't ready for that yet." Kendra said in her most polite voice.

"I just bet you would've been that calm about it." Allie said.

"So, is 'Casanova' going to bring you to Jimmy's party tonight?" Kendra asked Brandy.

"Yeah, he said we were definitely going." Brandy answered, "Why don't you come with us Allie? Everybody's going to be there."

"I'd love to, but I can't. I've actually made other plans already." Allie answered.

"Really. And what would that be?" Kendra asked curiously.

"I'm going over to Craig's house tonight." Allie responded.

"Tell me that you're joking!" Kendra exclaimed.

"I'm going over to spend time with him and his family, so just calm down 'Miss Runaway Imagination'." Allie replied, understanding the reason Kendra reacted the way that she did.

"Craig's not going to Jimmy's party?" Brandy asked Allie.

"No, he said he doesn't feel like being around everyone from school, just yet." Allie answered.

"He shouldn't, especially after the way he treated Ashley." Kendra said, still angry at the way Craig hurt her friend.

"Craig's really sorry about what he did. He feels horrible about the way he hurt Ashley and Manny." Allie told them.

"Well, I'm sorry if I don't have much sympathy for him at the moment." Kendra responded.

"Listen to you two, you'd think Craig had cheated on the both of you." Brandy pointed out.

"Well, I don't think anybody's going to forget what he did anytime soon." Kendra replied

"Yeah, Craig is going to go down as a legend. Two girls, at the same time, unbelievable!" Spinner said as he entered the kitchen to get something to drink.

"I can't believe you're actually proud of what Craig did." Kendra said to her brother.

"What? I said he was going to be a legend, and he is. Look at the way you all are still talking about him." Spinner said, defending his position.

"So you think it's okay to cheat on your girlfriend?" Brandy asked him.

"Not in my case. But in Craig's case, he wasn't sure which girl was the right one, so he was trying them both on to see which one was a better fit." Spinner continued.

"In that case, he should've broken up with one of them, instead of leading them both on." Kendra said to him.

"But what if he made the wrong choice? He was just hedging his bet a little by not making a hasty decision." Spinner said.

"I don't believe you. You know what Spinner, you're acting like a total pig!" Kendra said to him.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but calling me farm animals will never hurt me." Spinner said as he smiled and walked back into the living room.

"You know everybody's angry at Craig, but Manny could've stopped seeing Craig at anytime." Allie said.

"I know, and I'm more disappointed in her than anything. I knew she had changed, but I didn't think she would do something like that." Kendra told them, " Looking back, I should've known something was up. Craig was always hanging around the skating rink when we were getting ready for the Ice Festival. But I gave Manny and Craig more credit than that."

"You know what they say about hindsight, it's 20/20." Allie said, thinking about Craig's, and her own, decisions during the past year.

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Next Chapter: Out with the Old, in with the New…


	11. New Year's Day

A/N: Thanks to everyone for the reviews I've gotten for the last couple of chapters. I know it's been a little while since my last update, but I've been working on some new story ideas.

Allie, Kendra, and Brandy were still sitting and talking to each other, in the kitchen at the Mason house.

"Anyways, enough about Degrassi's latest scandal." Brandy stated, "How've you been holding up Allie?"

"I've been dealing, I suppose. It's just that, it feels like as soon as I start moving past everything that happened, I think about the trial and it just reopens those old wounds." Allie revealed.

"What have they told you about the trial?" Kendra asked her.

"The D.A.'s office expects it to start sometime in spring or early summer. I've been feeling really nervous about having to testify. I mean, hardly anybody knows about what happened. But once the trial starts, the whole public is going to know what Dean did to me. Sometimes, the pressure gets to be too much, and I feel like I'm turning into this completely different person because of it." Allie confessed.

"That's probably normal, nobody expects you to just magically go back to being your old self." Kendra replied.

"Yeah, but I don't want to become some dysfunctional freak that's unable to live a normal life either. Sometimes that thought just gets me really depressed and it makes me…" Allie paused.

"Makes you what?" Brandy asked, as she took another sip of her sports drink.

Allie paused for a moment. Then she decided to tell them everything that had been going on recently.

"Well…I got drunk the other night, for starters." Allie told them.

"You've been drinking! Allie, why didn't you call one of us first?" Kendra said, showing her concern in her voice.

"I know, it's just that you have lives of your own and I didn't want to burden you with my problems." Allie revealed.

"Burden? Where did you get that idea from?" Brandy asked her.

"I don't know, I guess it does sound kind of stupid now that I hear it out loud. I suppose I really didn't want to admit that I couldn't handle everything on my own." Allie told them.

"That's the thing Allie, you don't have to go through it all alone. We're your friends and we care about you." Kendra told her, "Ms. Sauve told us that the trial would probably be difficult for you and we said way back then that we would be by your side."

"I know, and I really do appreciate how supportive everybody has been." Allie replied.

"Speaking of which, how has Paige been handling everything?" Brandy asked her.

"You know Paige. If she's feeling nervous like Allie, she's hiding it behind her cool poker face." Kendra replied.

"You're telling me. She seems like she's totally ready to put Dean away, I just wish I had half of her strength." Allie told them, "I mean, even now she seems more concerned about cheerleading than anything else. She's even started looking at which Junior Varsity cheerleaders might make the Varsity squad for next year."

"Aren't you trying out?" Brandy asked her.

"Yeah, I've been working really hard on my routine for tryouts." Allie responded.

"I guess being best friends with the captain of the Spirit Squad can't hurt either." Brandy told her.

"Paige has been real supportive with everything I've been going through, but we're hardly best friends. Even if we were, I wouldn't want that to be the reason that I made the Varsity squad. I want to make it because I earned a spot and actually deserved to be there, not because somebody felt sorry for me. I don't think I would even be able to be on the Varsity Squad if that happened." Allie revealed to them.

"I can definitely respect that." Kendra replied.

The girls talked for a little while longer about other things, including Kendra going out for the field hockey team and Brandy going out for track and field in the Spring. Eventually, Allie said she had to leave so she could get ready to go over to Craig's house that night. Brandy and Kendra said they had better start getting ready too, so they'd be ready for Jimmy's party that night.

As Allie walked home, she thought about how lucky she was to have friends who cared so much about her. When she got home, Brad had just gotten back himself. She told him what her plans were for that night and then went back to her room to start getting ready. Allie walked back to her room and changed into one of her warmer outfits, since she would be outside later that night. After getting dressed, she went into the living room where Brad and her mother were sitting, her Mom had just gotten home from work.

"So, are you ready for your hot date tonight?" Brad asked Allie as she came into the living room.

"It's not a date, I'm just going over there to spend sometime with Craig and his family." Allie replied.

"Sounds like a date to me." Brad continued.

"Shows how much you know. Even if I were interested in Craig like that, at this point I'd have to take a number behind all the other girls in his life." Allie told him as she turned towards her Mother.

"So Mom, how do I look?" Allie asked her.

"You look beautiful honey. What big plans do you have for the night?" Her Mom asked her.

"We'll probably hang out at his house for a while and then go watch fireworks in the park with the rest of his family." Allie told her.

"I hope you have a good time, just be careful." Allie's Mom said as Allie put on her coat and headed for the front door.

Mrs. Knight was glad that her daughter was going out to spend time with her friends. She had been really worried if her daughter would ever be able to move past the traumatic experience she had recently went through. She was very concerned when it seemed like Allie was cutting herself off from everybody, like she had given up on the world. Allie's Mom wished that she could spend more time with Allie. But being a single parent meant working extra hours whenever possible, just so she could provide a decent life for her and her family. Besides, she didn't think her daughter would have much fun with her tonight; all Allie's Mom wanted to do now was relax in a nice, warm bath.

As Allie walked to the Jeremiah residence, she could feel the excitement in the air as everyone prepared to welcome in a New Year. Once she got to Joey's, she could hear music playing from inside.

"Hi Allie." Craig said as he answered the door.

"Hi everybody." Allie said as she walked through the front door.

"Allie! Are you ready to see the fireworks?" Angela asked as she sat on the sofa next to Caitlin and Joey.

"I sure am." Allie answered her.

Allie then took a seat and watched as New Year's celebrations from around the world were televised. As they sat there, everybody in the house discussed what they looked forward to or what they intended to accomplish in the New Year. Time seemed to fly by as they talked, and pretty soon it was time to leave for the park.

They all rode in Caitlin's SUV over to the park, which wasn't very far. Joey, Caitlin, and Angela went into the park first to get a good spot for viewing the fireworks. Allie and Craig took their time following them.

"So, you said you're ready for the New Year?" Craig asked as they walked along.

"Yeah, I'm actually looking forward to it." Allie replied.

"Me too. I don't think it could be any worse than this past one." Craig told her, "I can't believe I've made such a mess of everything in my life."

Allie could see Craig was still torn up over the situation between him, Manny, and Ashley. As she was looking at him, she realized it must've just struck midnight because the night sky was suddenly lit up with fireworks. The night show was so beautiful that Craig and Allie stopped their conversation for a moment.

"Well, Craig," Allie said as she resumed their conversation, "Even though you made a mistake, I don't think anybody can forgive you, until you forgive yourself."

"I know. It's just that sometimes I wish that I could go back and change what I did. I'd do everything a lot differently." Craig confessed to her.

"I can understand that." Allie said as she put her arms around Craig and gave him a hug showing that she supported him, just the same as he had supported her the night before.

As they were standing there, Angela came running up.

"What's up?" Craig asked her.

"Craig, Daddy and Caitlin are over there kissing. I'm never doin' that when I grow up." Angela informed them.

"I wouldn't make a bet on that Angie." Allie replied with a laugh.

They all stood together and watched as the fireworks continued, signaling the beginning of a fresh, new start…

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The End, for now. To be continued in The Adventures of Kendra and Nadia-Semester 2.


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